today...things are falling into place:)

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My computer is being a bitch today and I can't focus on the paper I have to write. My boyfriend is on vacation without me. I couldn't go because of my crappy job. My neck hurts, and my foot itches.

My paper is about how frustration leads to aggression.
Yay.

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I want to disappear to a place where no-one knows me...I want to get away, and never return again.
You've left me in tears...

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the universe is so big. Srsly... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1w8hKTJ2Co

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I heard someone saying: "you're walking around like your hard drive got erased". It got me thinking about what it must have been like before the digital age. Someone's legacy was roughly equal to their degree of fame or achievements. They left their works behind in non-digital format, subjected to wars, acts of God, and the aging of time. Most often the works of previous generations were hidden away in dusty attics or basements, destined to be forgotten by time.

These days, those that have access to computers and the Internet, are leaving behind a legacy in the form of a digital footprint. Long after we're gone, some form of us will remain in terms of digital media such as pictures, video, text and animation that will be accessible to anyone that might become interested in you or your work, long after you're gone.

By blogging, we're writing our life story one post a time. With every generation comes new mediums for writing our legacies. What do we leave behind? How will we be remembered? Will my life's work fade into the ether when I'm done here, or will it affect someone, long after I'm gone?

It's seems like ever since the beginning of time, we've all been contributing, using the mediums we have available. Stone, paper, film and hard drives to name a few. It's like we're all selflessly adding to the heap of human knowledge and expression. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I think we're a collective consciousness, concerned with evolving into a new, better version of ourselves. By contributing now, those that come after us, will be a part of us, and we will continue on. I think with this knowledge comes a great responsibility to contribute, and to contribute positively.

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I thought I'd share something from the book I am studying that made me laugh. The topic is about compliance with legitimate authority.

"A doctor ordered ear drops for a patient suffering infection in the right ear. On the perscription, the doctor abbreviated "place in right ear" as "place in R ear" Reading the order, the compliant nurse put the required drops in the compliant patient's rectum."

.... wow

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I woke up this morning a little freaked out because I was having a dream, about something that happened a long time ago, that I used to have a lot but haven’t had recently. I wasn’t in tears or afraid like I used to be after having this dream, mostly I just thought “wow, I haven’t had that dream in awhile.” And then I started thinking about it and wondering what would have happened if I would have done things differently. Who would I be? Where would I be? Who would I be with? What would my mind be like?

I felt sick all day, but it wasn’t because of my dream that was all but forgotten once I forced myself out of bed. I figured I was sick because of my meds, sometimes one has to pay a price in order to survive and my meds certainly come with a price. I finally got some peace when I passed out for a couple hours from the pain I was in. I woke up and was crabby the rest of the night. I started a fight with my boyfriend more than once and again, as we got ready to go to sleep. He was actually pretty nice about it but didn’t seem to understand why I was so mad. Finally I said to him, “Why can’t you just make it all better.” It wasn’t a fair request but he said, “I’ll try.” That was nice of him.

He finally fell asleep and I laid in bed unable to stop the tears from pouring down my cheeks. I couldn’t understand why I was so upset. I looked at the clock. 3:00 am. Then it hit me, being upset, feeling sick and the dream… Thirteen years ago at that very moment I was living that dream. I had almost forgotten, I guess my body, my brain, my heart didn’t forget… Today was my “special” anniversary.

It sucks that I have to remember the worst day of my life, but in a way I am happy that probably will never forget. I need the reminders to keep me strong and keep me going. This is part of what I am fighting so hard to put an end to. No matter how my life would have turned out if things had been different I have to stop looking at it as a tragedy. It was fuel, it was knowledge, it was a sacrifice. I needed it to help me understand so that I could help others. If going through that can enable me to save others from going through the same thing or worse, then I should be grateful. Shouldn’t I?

I know this was long but sharing it helped stop the tears. I feel like I can sleep peacefully now... at least for another year.

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Rehabilitation: "To restore to useful life, as through therapy and education." I love how it says "useful life".

I've managed to quit Second Life. This happened just days before my favourite vlogger released a new video about the very subject. I don't think you get the full Second Life experience by playing it for only 3 hours, but she has some good points. The best thing to come out of SL? Jen :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x97BSlCtbfk

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sometimes a thousand words aren't enough.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ballet_lausanne/2511451940/

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had too much wine last night gave the speech of my live and been eating enough carbs too feed the whole of somalia...

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